The game tells me I killed two deer, and I don’t even remember shooting one of them. My anonymous god of murder has already granted me a new weapon as a reward for my kill. When I put the Wii remote down, the angle of the motion sensor causes my hunter to point his gun in the air and spin in circles. But using my fine killing instincts, I lead one on the run and fire a bullet straight into his furry body, causing him to tumble into the weeds. I accidentally pull the trigger and fire, scaring the deer who begin to run. As though the carnage were not payment enough. I am instructed to take down at least one Blacktail, and I will get medals for my trouble. Birds chirp in the trees, and I see a family of deer nearby. I begin in Alberta, Canada standing in a river with a gun in my hands. 243 Bolt-Action it claims can be used for deer or “varmints”. But alas, it is currently a one gun library, featuring a. I would certainly shoot the Gun Library option. I could have already shot like 10 things by now. I would then select my choice by shooting the animal. Fully fifteen minutes and I haven’t shot anything! Obviously, every menu selection should be a type of animal whose coat cleverly spells out a menu option. I will make short work of these woodland creatures and their families.Īh, another menu. “You have not unlocked Game Slams, go to Career Hunt!” And slam could either mean that I just slam down some animals real quick one after another, or that I actually get to physically slam their bodies down after I kill them, like some kind of mini-game: Test your might! Game Slams sounds like bullshit at first, but let’s consider what is meant by ‘Game’ here, and ‘Slam.’ Since this is a hunting game, ‘Game’ could refer to animals.
I can do a Career Hunt, a Game Slams, or a Free Play. But what the hell, I might as well be prepared for my dreams to come true, and so I dub me: But I know there are no Xenomorphs here, and I doubt I will get the chance to hunt a human being, even ‘accidentally’. I can name myself! But who should I be? What do I want out of this? I want to work my way up the food chain, shooting animals along the way, until I arrive at the ultimate pray, Xenomorphs. Ah! My spirits are lifted! Let’s shoot some animals and bond with friends! The opening menu shows a nice water-colored forest scene, with some happy country traveling music in the background. Then I saw a big, shiny deer eye staring out at me from the cover of a Wii video game, and I thought “I could shoot that.”īut as I looked at the image, a thought occurred to me: Was the small chunk of deer face on the cover of the game box my intended target? Or was it a some deer meat I had already torn off with my huge hunting gun? I was recently laid off, so I took a trip to the local Blockbuster to see which game would offer the most to an aging, half naked man sitting on his couch in the dark with a huge bowl of cereal on his paunch and tear stains on his face.īut when presented with the opportunity to shoot Nazies, aliens or zombies, I just couldn’t muster the atavistic spirit needed to really stick it to the bad guys. You might wonder why I’m covering Cabela’s Trophy Bucks for the Nintendo Wii, an unheralded game that came out last June.